Profiling

After suffering from major writer's block and a lack of desire to sit and stare at my computer with so much as a word to type, I thought it was time that I just sit down and stare at my computer until I can produce something. 

I first met with the adoption agency early in August. I sat down with a social worker, a woman who I am so happy to have met and gotten to know. She has been amazing throughout this whole experience and has always been there for me. After this initial meeting I would not contact the agency again or begin my search until December. Not only was school incredibly busy, but I needed time to process and time to get used to this whole new life I was living. It was completely nerve-wracking. I couldn't look at any of the paperwork for the longest time. And looking back I realize, that was totally ok. If you are in this position, give yourself time to process and think. Allow yourself to adjust and figure out exactly what you want. Allow yourself to deal. It was crucial for me and by the time I began my search I was completely ready. 

So come Christmas break, while most people are visiting family and holiday shopping, I was beginning my "parent search". To begin, my social worker asked me what I was looking for in a family and from there she would choose profiles that fit according to what I was looking for. I told her I only cared that they knew Jesus. She brought me four profiles to start with (I looked at a total of eight). The first one in the pile was Liz and Eric's. I immediately felt a connection, so I decided to read it last :) After reading all eight profiles I decided that there were two couples that I wanted to interview. There is something instinctive about this process. The two couples I chose were from the first four profiles I received and they were the two profiles I immediately had a gut feeling about before even opening them. After reading them, I knew one of the couple's would be getting a daughter, at that point I just couldn't decide which one without an interview. I told that I am a rare case because many birth moms do not choose to interview parents before choosing them. I do not know how true that is nationwide, but at my agency it was a rare occasion for a birth mom to interview. I had no idea! How difficult that would be for the adopting family and even the birth mom too! I do not worry about Grace, I know where she is and I know she is with the best people she could be with. I feel like interviewing and getting to know Liz and Eric so well has given me complete and total closure as well as the feeling that I absolutely did the right thing.

Each of the couples had two hours to spend with me. I had a list of questions that I wanted to ask each couple and aside from the questions I really just wanted to meet them and see how the interacted with each other and get an idea of what their lives were like. The first couple were great. I think they are amazing, God-loving people and will have another child one day, but I didn't quite feel a connection with them. The second couple were Liz and Eric. Immediately I loved them and we connected so well and chatted so much that we went over the allotted 2-hours. I left that interview and called Marie and Jacquie to say that I had officially met my daughter's parents. That was a Thursday, I gave Liz and Eric the great news the next Tuesday. 

The entire agency is absolutely amazed with how my situation played out. In their 15 years of existence they have never seen a case as unique as mine, Liz, Eric, and Grace's. I am actually quite amazed by how my situation played out too. My original plan was to have a closed adoption and give her the opportunity to find me if she wanted to one day. I did not forsee this incredibly open relationship unfolding in my own life. But as I say many times, I wouldn't have it any other way :)  

In closing, I have to say that anybody who is in the process of adopting or has adopted: I ADMIRE YOU. After going through this process on the opposite end, I have learned so much about how it all works and how much strength and devotion it takes for people to go through the whole process. All of you are truly wonderful people. You have really put yourselves out there and given up a lot to have a family of your own. Your willingness to take in a child that is not your own and love it as if it were your own is absolutely beautiful to me. And you do it all with no guarantees. We live in an imperfect world and it's so amazing to see how God takes two seemlingly sad situations: infertility and an unplanned pregnancy and makes a perfect situation from them. Thank you for all the love and devotion you have!!