Decisions. We make them everyday, multiple times throughout the day. Some are consciously made, others we make without a thought. Decisions are an unavoidable part of life. The decisions we make have a powerful effect in shaping our lives and paving our paths. Our decisions have the power to affect those around us, near and far.
I made a big decision when I decided to give Grace up for adoption. I made that decision on my own. I did not ask others what they thought I should do. I knew what I wanted to do. And when I have my mind set on something I am going to make it happen. So that’s what I did. Without a thought or care about what someone else wanted me to do or thought I should do.
What I failed to realize in my selfish decision-making process was that my decision would affect many people around me. I believe a lot of those effects are positive, but there are also some painful effects. I failed to see that I would not be the only one to experience the feeling of loss and grief over the loss of Grace. I underestimated how much those around me cared about me and how much they would share in my pain and my experience. At the time all of my thoughts revolved around myself and what I needed and wanted.
All of you that follow my blog know that I am completely at peace with my decision and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Everything turned out the way that it was supposed to. I know that this was God’s plan for Grace’s life.
That being said I am writing this and speaking about decisions because my eyes have really been opened to the impact the decisions we make will have on others. None of the decisions we make in this life solely revolve around us. There is always some effect that we have. Economics agrees with this thought. As Charles Wheelan states in his book, Naked Economics, “My decision to buy and drive an SUV affects everyone else on the road, yet none of those people has a say in my decision. I do not compensate all the owners of Honda Civics for the fact that I am putting their lives slightly more at risk…” He goes on in more detail but the point is that “the private costs of my behavior are different from the social costs”.
As creepy as the movie “Butterfly Effect” may be, it makes a valid point: each and every little decision has an impact beyond our understanding and control. The more we try to control it, the more we lose control. That may not completely relate to my story with Grace, but it relates with life in so many ways and the decisions we make in this life.
I’m not even sure how to end this. All I can say is that I am aware of the powerful effect my decisions have and will take this life lesson with me through the rest of my life.