The other night I was driving home from William's house (my boyfriend) and I drove past the building where I used to take prenatal water aerobics twice a week. That class was the highlight of my week, but I always felt a great sense of loneliness when I left class, knowing that I wasn't going home to somebody. I would not be sharing my day with a significant other. So here I am, one year later, driving home from this amazing man's house where I just shared everything about my day and more I can't help but think back to that lonely season and be grateful for this new season. At the same time, as I type my thoughts, I am sitting on my couch in the same spot that I sat in every night while pregnant with Grace and I am flooded with those beautiful memories. She would kick me like crazy as I would try to focus on my homework, or let's be serious, I was really just focused on catching up on all my tv shows. I would talk to her, watch her move, and pray for the parents I hadn't yet met. "To everything turn, turn, turn, there is a season, turn, turn, turn". Like both of the other birth moms that shared their story, the last year of my life was a time of great loneliness and of great joy and peace. I wouldn't go back and change anything. I hope I will always remember to reflect on my experience and never be afraid to share it.
Monday, November 7, 2011
This past week I had the opportunity to speak on an adoption panel again. I shared my story before prospective parents for the second time and cried for the first time in a long time. There happened to be two other birth moms sitting on either side of me. One had her baby three months ago, the other nine months ago. Grace is now 7 months, I know, so hard to believe! As the other two women shared their story I was flooded with emotions in relating to everything they were saying. One of the birth moms talked about how she often felt lonely carrying a baby without a husband to share it with. The other birth mom talked about how she knew all along that the baby she was carrying belonged to someone else. For the first time in my experience I could totally and completely relate with someone, or maybe it was that someone else knew exactly how I felt because they had experienced it too. Either way it was refreshing for me.