Turning Tables

I titled this blog Everything for a Reason. Everything I share comes from a deep passion for the order and purpose of things. Yet here I sit today with a bitter and completely broken heart. For what I was so certain was happening for a specific reason has turned out to be happening for a whole different reason all together. One that I do not yet know or understand and one that I most definitely wasn’t prepared for. I want to know why, what did I do to deserve more pain, but what’s the point? It doesn’t change anything. Whatever will be will be. Yet again my beliefs are challenged. I say “everything for a reason” but this, really, do I have to endure this with a huge smile and an“everything for a reason” attitude when all I want to do is cry and fight it kicking and screaming? The answer is yes. Yes I have to endure this, my heart is involved. Yes it is ok to cry, yes it is ok to silently kick and scream once in a while, that is part of allowing ourselves to heal. Yes, not everything I want will want me. And yes, everything really does happen for a reason, even in this time. I do not have the strength, nor the desire to do it now, but one day I believe I will be able to sing along with (and mean it) Garth Brooks when he says, “Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers”. I hope it happens sooner rather than later because my heart is so tired of being beat up. It’s time to say goodbye to turning tables, I just wish I knew how to…

-“Sometimes it lasts in love and sometimes it hurts instead” –Adele